Bumping, getting down and dirty, ridin’ – whatever you want to call it, there’s no denying that making love is an essential part of human life. We all know that amazing, mind-blowing, toe-curling sex is incredible, but sometimes things go wrong in the bedroom and the mood dies faster than you can say ‘SWITIE’.
1. WHEN THE PHONE RINGS AND YOU ANSWER IT: The only thing more off-putting than a phone ringing during sexy time is when your partner in crime picks it up and answers it. Eh… if you’d rather talk to someone else right now, why are we even here?!
2. HE FALLS ALSEEP MIDWAY: This kills the mood because it makes you have a full-on existential crisis. ‘Is he… asleep? Oh my god, he’s actually asleep! This means I’m boring in bed! WAHHH!’ Not great for your self-confidence, this one.
3. WHEN HE CALLS YOU BY HIS EX GIRLFRIEND NAME: You’re lost in the moment until you hear the name Jane. Which is interesting given the fact that you’re actually called Sarah. Wow.
4. WHEN SOMEONE GETS INJURED: There’s nothing wrong with a little enthusiasm when it comes to sex. In fact, enthusiasm is something that’s usually encouraged. However, when you’re a bit over-excited, you tend to lose control of your limbs. Arms fly about the place and unintentionally hit people, you miscalculate the width of the bed and end up falling off and you get so involved in the throes of passion that you accidentally knee him in the groin as you switch positions. Nothing kills the mood faster than a trip to the hospital in the middle of the night.
5. WHEN YOUR NEIGHBOUR BANGS THE WALL AND TELLS YOU TO TONE IT DOWN: Everything is going great until the elderly couple next door make their presence known. Number one: you feel a bit bad for waking them up and number two? You now know that you’ll never be able to look them in the eye again. Ha ha ha.
6. ROUGHLY AND RANDOMLY GRABBING HER BODY: Treating her like just a butt or boob will not endear you to her. Neither does touching her only when you want sex. Real affection, with no strings attached, will increase intimacy when the time is right. And yes, women can tell the difference.
7. POOR HYGIENE: Women notice how clean you are and how you smell. They do not expect you to look like George Clooney, but, they do expect you to notice and take care of your hygiene and grooming. Showering, brushing your teeth, using mouthwash and trimming hair that grows in unnatural areas are all essential for keeping yourself attractive to your partner.
8. NEVER INITIATING: Sex is a way of connecting on a deep level and should be a priority to both of you. When he is the one who always initiates, it creates an imbalance in the relationship. You may be like many women who don’t feel desire until they are physically aroused, but you can still be the one to get the ball rolling.
9. TALKING TOO MUCH AT THE WRONG TIME: You are talking about anything and everything that is not sexy, dirty or hot when he is in the mood. He does not want to hear how he forgot to change the light bulb today, how little Johny flunked a test or how much you hate his mom after he makes romantic overtures towards you. This is not the time for complaining or whining or chatting.
10. NOT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF: Just because you have been married more than a few years doesn’t give you permission to stop shaving, trimming your nails or keeping it neat down below…especially down below! Men are extremely visual. They do not want you to be lazy about grooming or letting yourself go. Wearing a hideous T.shirt written “ Sengenge ya Ngombe “ or “ Get rid of Malaria” and Track suit “uniform” is not alluring. It is great to feel comfortable with someone but know when you crossed into the “way too comfortable” zone. Remember that sexual desire often begins outside the bedroom. Sexually turning off your partner or making minimal efforts to turn your partner on is a step in the direction of a “ sexless “ Marriage.
Remember, The only thing you uniquely share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else is sex. So sex is the only thing that sets you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates. It’s a vital part of marriage. Not only does sex set you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates, it also requires a deeper level of communication that you don’t normally do with just anyone. Sex requires you to talk to each other about intimate, emotional things. For example, to have a truly intimate experience with your spouse, you need to tell your spouse where you like to be touched, and make requests for certain things. This requires that you both feel a comfort level with each other that you’ve never felt with anyone else before. It requires you to both become very vulnerable by asking, receiving and giving sexually. And it requires you to reach a deeper level of trust that your spouse will respond to your requests without judgment.
Don’t let these turn-offs interfere with such a critical part of your relationship.